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Venus ApartHotel - Qawra Malta.Now that Malta is a attracting a growing number of visitors from the UK, in part due to the special deals offered by MaltaBargains we have included below our handy guide to acclimatising to staying at just one of the Hotels on offer as part of these packages. Your results may differ, and you can also see further reviews by following the link at the botttom of the page! Venus ApartHotel - SIMULATORLets start with 'Breakfast'.To acclimatise to the change of dietary routine it is suggested the following regime can be tried at home prior to departure by those about to take a half board holiday including a stay at the good ship 'Venus' Aparthotel. Take 8 x 200g jars of instant coffee granules, pour into a large serving bowl and leave open in a warm damp place, preferably for 24 hours. Take 8 x family jars of marmalade, mix with 1/2 litre of water, pour into a large serving bowl and leave open in a warm damp place, preferably for 24 hours. Take 8 x family jars of Jam, mix with 1/2 litre of water, pour into a large serving bowl and leave open in a warm damp place, preferably for 24 hours. Take 1 dozen large Baguettes, or Grands Batard, slice into 1" slices, place on serving tray and leave to harden overnight. Take 1 x 1/2 litre of budget orange cordial, add 25 litres of tap water, stir and add a further 5 gallons, place in stainless steel urn overnight to allow the contents to assume room temperature. Take 1m square of felt backed vinyl, shave off felt backing to a depth of 0.3mm and place on table. Take a (used) dishcloth, dip in both the Jam and Marmalalade (see above) and then wipe over table covering. Keep the cloth in a warm place, as this may be needed for cleaning wine glasses at dinner. No. 1 vacuum cleaner, switch this on and then hide it in a cupboard in the dining room. At midnight place all breakfast ingredients in a hallway with both end doors open to the elements to allow 100% unhindered access for insects and bluebottles. Immediately prior to serving. Elect one member of the group to attempt blindfold one-armed plate juggling in an adjoining room (preferably with hard flooring). Cutlery - place in a sack, drop in pool, retreive and allow to drip dry. That's - it, now just place the above items on a table in a corridor from about 7.50 am, invite your guests to help themselves to a beautiful buffet breakfast. Regrettably we are unable to offer the services of a Venus ApartHotel Dinner simulator as we were unable to complete our research, having 'eaten out' every evening of our stay. Advice? Do a little research, we were amazed to find on our return that for a lesser amount than we had spent on our 'budget trip' we could have bought the flights, taken cabs to and from the Airport, and stayed in a fabulous hotel in Valetta on a B & B basis (after all we never actually ATE anything at the Venus!). Enjoy being a Virtual Tourist with our Virtual Reality Tour of Malta.
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Visitor Count since launch: